flowersIntheWindow

Saturday, June 18, 2005,9:20 PM

as much as i rant day in and day out bout my perpetual neevr endin issues wif my life and al lads all ard me.... i reckon i suddeenly am swept wif a strange kinda of answer dat seems more den obvious.... well the ans were in front of me for starters, i suppose being adamant and choosin to turn away from the answers ave caused me to grive with such pain and suddenly i feel a lil revived todae..... a lil weak still, hmm my sweetheart was rite... i reckon i was doin the devil priti much a favour .... hmmm tell myself time and time again calm down and take tings one at a time

ps tanks sweetheart for ur endless support for me

Friday, June 17, 2005,12:22 AM

well i cant b certain if im lookin forward to dis term break, long term break infact , or is it jz a dread if u ask me its a bit of both....im tired and the break shall ave a purpose bt ironically hows it a break wen im attainin more stress wen im at home....gee dats the contradiction of life dat im tryin to comprehend....

u noe wot dammy, im exhausted n very tired... y ave i been unable to find a spot to jz take away all dis weariness away, im nt sure if its a holiday , if its a break or even a sleep , dey all do me no good u noe?

hmmm ........... i close my eyes now, and i count my mins till i see him...i miss u sweetheart

Tuesday, June 14, 2005,8:37 AM

the exact definition of dysfunctionality...is mmore of impaired or abnormal functionin bt of coz for instances in wich der are many bt mainly wen the sole provider choose nt to provide whilst the sole giver isnt givin much derfore wif all the proper sources combined they ave planned to incorporate a wonderful successful ... wot u kol dat....sumtin with regards to a sweet niche...yeah yeah wotever.....

the idea of such hypocrisis dat even exsist....wich by far is very obvious in fronnt of me ...i find it to be rather appaling ..... well enuf said bout insincerity

as if....bt den u noe wot....dis sweet habitat or niche or even sum may define it as a home wnt be complete lest sum impracticle brainless bt obviously futile in being in any form of productivity wld complete dis wonderful successful wot u kol dat again home ... aite?

hmmmm.... so yah dysfuncionality says sumtin bout it alll..... if u ask me to much anger repressed nt let out....choose to nt let ppl step on her... proclaimin no one cld cum near her, yet ..... everyone step on her only pertainin the least of dignity and feelin so low and weak in hope a lil lite wld at least cum durin dis darkest hour.....hmm dependent? aint sure mate?

my ego ave obviously stand in no way to make dis werld a better place.... tot dat i'll never let my fortress down wif my immeasurable ego guarding from every angle ensurin dat no one wld even cum close to penetratin me .... bt in spite of dis all... being mindless and naive as usual.... clearly even a blind cld walk tru the open gate ....

so ridiculously and immaculately dumb.... if anyone ask.... tell em im gone

er@in

Sunday, June 12, 2005,12:24 AM

hmmm jz wen the hue of of surge to write cums flowin in... dats wen my sheer stupidty ave to strike and pull the blardy lapotop closer to me resulting in the modem cable to be plucked out..... speakin of wich ... i cldnt be aving a more restrainin feelin dat can be more overwhelmed den todae.... my dear... plz dun be mistaken by presumin dat jz bcoz i choose to pen down my thots dun exactly makes me a bad partner by nt tellin u everyting wich consequently can drain down our communication between each other.... these are all wot u call ...hmmm a medium...for me to be a lil expressive wif werds den usual....well forgetbout it dame

i keep tinkin bout me and me and me...bt as a result in dat does dat make me a self centered biatch who seems to bear no concern for others and so to speak being my one and onli dearie who ave been more den patient and obviously tolerant of my undeniably ... irkin obnoxious and childish manner wich is exceedin the normal percentile of preposterousness....wot was i tinking.....??!!!!! blamin post/pre mentrual syndrome ... ? OH DEAR GOd.... im am one of those self centered , superficial air headed idiots who ave perservered to make the life being of her one and onli luv hell jz bcoz he wishes to pursue an intrest .... hmm lets be exact... to travel for a week makin it more den 160 hours lack in TLC ..... talk bout deprivation.... i reckon a gerl who ave attain more den 100 percent of attention would feel the sudden loss....bt den yet again....den ders the other part of me.... wich quietly murmered ...dat i shld nt claimed everytin at the expense of other jz for myself .... aite? no fair for me to be tellin him to deprive himself of tings he wan to claim and do jz coz i dun get to do it aite?

so wot does dat make me and underacheiver who ave no goals yet still preservin her simple dreams dat on certain daes feel dat dey are beyond reach and yearn for em to cum true and if i realli werk hard for it ... well it jz mite.....

hmmm two parents who live under one roof and contradicts each other in every aspect....one brothers whos gone and almost forgotten(i noe pakcik u find dis totally unacceptable, bt im out if dis denial phase eventually) well who cares.... and three more... cant figure if dey gonna set sail on the same ship dats gone ... or dey realli gonna stay, frens who ave completely evaporated out of her simple studded life , a job which suits more of a paradox symbol of her life and a person she adores with all of her heart(wich seems to be one of the few good tings dat happen to her)

i miss him though... well i already am.....